Abortion Week: Let me tell you about your experience

Myth #3: Abortion is practically always/practically never traumatic for women.

I didn’t know it was possible to write about abortion in American and not get any comments. Either I have done such an outstanding job of being evenhanded that I am beyond criticism or I am the only one who is interested in my research. I will pretend it is the first one, because it makes me feel better.

In my observation, it seems that both sides are fond of telling us all what abortion is like for women – whether or not women agree. From a strictly medical standpoint, particularly in the first trimester when 89% of abortions in the U.S. occur, the risks of abortion are very, very low, and I have not been able to find any credible studies that link legal abortion with long-term medical problems. (If you know of one, by all means, cite it in the comments section.) The psychological effects are a bit harder to quantify, and activists on both sides tell radically different stories. If you listen to a lot of pro-life activists, you’d think that abortion inevitably leads to significant psychological trauma and guilt for every woman who has one – and that the trauma can even extend to their partners, living children, and other family members. If you listed to a lot of pro-choice activists, you’d think that no woman has ever been pressured into an abortion she didn’t want or later felt she made a huge mistake.

You will probably never hear an activist pro-choicer tell the story of a 15 year old pressured into an abortion she didn’t want by her skeevy 28 year old boyfriend who wanted to avoid awkward statutory rape questions. You will also probably never hear an activist pro-lifer tell the story of the young woman in difficult circumstances with no money who is convinced that having an abortion was the right decision, did not regret it then, and does not regret it now.

Like virtually any other human experience, women’s experience of abortion varies widely. Some women get abortions because they are truly in a desperate situation. Some get them because a child would be merely inconvenient. Some women are pressured to get abortions that they really don’t want. Some women find getting an abortion to be extremely traumatic and painful. Some women find getting an abortion to be a relief. Some women’s unplanned pregnancy comes as a part of a number of difficult circumstances, and it’s hard to separate out what is trauma from the abortion and what is trauma from everything else they’ve been through. Some women think of their abortion as a difficult choice that was the best they could do at the time; some grieve the child they never knew for the rest of their lives, and some women have no regrets about their abortion and would do the same thing if they had their lives to live over.

Life’s like that. It’s complicated, and we’re complicated and you can always find someone whose experience will support your party line if you look hard enough. There is no “abortion experience” – only the many and varied experiences of women who have had abortions. I know several women who have had abortions. Their stories are not mine to tell, but I know that their stories are each very different, they don’t all feel the same way about their choice, and they don’t all fall on the same side of the pro-choice/pro-life debate.

This post is short on statistics, I know, but maybe that’s my point – Anyone who makes sweeping claims about what abortion is like for women probably has an agenda, but not necessarily the facts.

Comments

[Judi]

Stats are complicated. Let's say, for example, that a woman gets an infection following an abortion. She needs to be hospitalized a week later. What gets registered in the documents that counts towards statistics may refer to an infection, but may not make any reference to abortion at all. It is really hard to know because accurate information on the complications of abortion is not really sought after - people are not going to search out what could possibly upset their ideological position, and the medical world is mainly pro-choice in nature.

I talked to a woman within the last month whose uterus was punctured during an abortion and she was told she would probably not be able to have another child. Even if the risk is small - if you're the one whom it falls upon, it is huge.

[Judy]

Years ago, we had a woman come in to do two weeks of relief work while my boss was on holiday. Somehow we got onto the topic of abortion and she told me that she had got pregnant with one child more than she and her husband had wanted. They decided on an abortion and nothing that the doctor told her prepared her for the emotional turmoil she had experienced post-abortion. She had been expecting the same sort of experience as one has from any other short-term hospital stay surgery and it had clearly had a significant emotional effect. I don't know if she told me because I was a stranger, or because she was so traumatised that she told everyone.

[Anj]

Culture of secrecy - Why is there so much third person talk of the impact of abortions? Is it because our culture has created an unsafe, polarized place for those who have actually had abortions to be able to be honest, both in terms of grief and relief, about their abortion experience and the resulting impact? Again, when we lived in Australia, there was an implicit understanding that a woman would face some psychological impact after an abortion and that counseling would be helpful. I didn't find the culture of silence and third party stories that are prevalent in our culture. And I don't think I ever got a sense of woman being judged as killers there. There was an understanding that this is not a black and white issue. It was in that culture that I began to more fully understand why I chose an abortion at 21, and how that choice impacted me, and fully began to own and understand the depth of the lack of my resources as a young woman. Mostly the depth of the lack of any sort of psychological wholeness or ability to love. At 47, with three almost grown sons whom I have been able to protect and nurture, I can live in the grief of my choice at 21, and my belief it was the best choice in the reality of my circumstances. But there are many whom I choose not to share this story with, even within my extended family, because there would be no understanding, or attempt to hear my story -- I would be labeled as one who had chosen to murder because of my own selfishness and lack of accountability. When, as a society, we make an issue so polarized, such a statement on good and evil, we diminish the ability of those who live in the issue to deal with it honestly and openly. A few years ago, I went to a retreat, sponsored by Rachel's Vineyard, that was very helpful in creating a non-judgmental space to be honest with our choices and our stories. It allowed me to come to a further place of truth. For me, the further into truth I have come, the more pro-choice I am. I would guess there are others who have probably experienced the opposite.

[titration]

I must admit I saw the abortion topic come up in my google reader account and I thought - wait a minute what did I subscribe to? I don't really remember when or how I found your blog but it was several months ago. And I'm a lurker. But you really have done a properly nuanced presenation. I love any blog post that takes things out of boxes. That shows that that controversial topics are controversial because they aren't simple. If they were easy to work out or clear cut the same solution would work for all people.

Anyway that's my long way of saying I appreciated this post.

[Christy]

Judi -

Certainly there are SOME risks with abortion, just as there are with any medical procedure. However, what with preeclampsia, pregnancy related diabetes, complications during labor, etc., childbirth poses a higher risk to a woman than a first trimester abortion - and frankly, involves significantly more pain if you opt for the natural method. (which isn't to say that women shouldn't give birth, of course) And given the highly polarized nature of abortion in the U.S., I am quite confident that pro-life organizations have expended quite a bit of time and money on trying to document the health risks of abortion. Thus far, they have not been able to do so - although I am open to revising that statement if someone can point me to a credible study on the issue. That doesn't necessarily mean abortion should be legal - it just means that the effect of abortion on women's physical health isn't a very powerful argument for criminalizing it.

Judy -
Weird that there are two Judy's commenting on the same post. I think your experience brings up a good point. I think that, generally speaking, women don't get much pre-abortion counselling. Most of the experiences I've heard about seem to indicate that few abortion providers give the "Hey, you should know that for some women, getting an abortion is harder than they expected. You may find yourself having some very strong emotional reactions to this experience. You may not, but here are some resources if you find yourself overwhelmed.)

Anj -
"Why is there so much third person talk of the impact of abortions? Is it because our culture has created an unsafe, polarized place for those who have actually had abortions to be able to be honest, both in terms of grief and relief, about their abortion experience and the resulting impact?"

Exactly. I think that so many people are closed off to hearing anything they don't want to hear on this issue, that many women don't share their experience -whatever it is - because it isn't safe to do so. I'm so glad that you found a safe space to share your experience and come to terms with your choice.

Titration -
Glad you liked it. I haven't read your blog in a while - I'll have to pop over and see what you've had to say recently.

[Philip]

The single hardest decision Susan and I ever had to make concerned our second child. Genetic marker tests came back as a higher than normal possibility for Down's syndrome. We were faced with getting the amnio test to confirm. The combined results would give us a highly confident result either way, but in 10% of cases, would accidently cause a mis-carriage.

We debated the issue over and over again for two weeks, with the idea that if we took the test and it came back positive, then we would abort based upon the needs of our first born (who wasn't even 1 year old at the time). I say we because it was a joint decision. There was absolutely no meaningful counseling help on the subject. Both sides have made it impossible.

The results were negative and Alex is two years old and growing like a weed.

This issue is emotionally-charged. Anyone who thinks they can understand the feelings of another human being needs to walk in their shoes first. We all look at things from our own perspective.

[Christy]

Philip -

I think you bring up a really good point - that it's practically impossible to find a safe place to wrestle with these questions or someone to help you with the process of making a decision - although there are plenty of people who would be glad to tell you what to do.

Glad your son is doing well.

[sonja]

This issue is incredibly polarized and not safe to discuss. I had an abortion almost 24 years ago now. That baby would have turned 23 sometime around the time you published this post. While I have spent much time processing the reasons for having it and know that it was the best thing I could do at the time, I still only share this information with limited people. I have two children now, 14 and 11. I lost another baby to a natural miscarriage before getting pregnant with my oldest. And I remember wondering if that loss was somehow discipline for the earlier abortion in God's economy. I know now that She does not operate like that.

Every woman and her partner/spouse has significant issues at different periods in their lives. Calling abortion murder is very wrong and unduly adds to the emotional burden. If it really were murder, then it would be illegal. But it's not.

If every fertilized egg is really a life, then what do we do with all of the embryos currently sitting in freezers in fertility clinics? If those are indeed human lives that must not be murdered, then they must be given life by someone and cannot be disposed of. That's the logical conclusion of the "right to life" position. But it doesn't hold water. It's an impossible thing to do.

[Christy]

Sonja -

I"m glad you feel safe to share that information here - and you are wise to be cautious in who you share that with.

And good point about the embryos hanging out in fertility clinics. I have yet to hear of someone setting up a fertility clinic embryo adoption agency.

[AlisonG]

Embryo Adoption:

http://www.nightlight.org/snowflakeadoption.htm

[Christy]

Thanks for the link, Alison - I wasn't aware there was such a thing as embryo adoption, but apparently there is. Who knew?