If you are here, you are prepared

I'm still reading Diane Shainberg's Chasing Elephants and came across this quote from Jae Jah Noh:

Even though one may not be prepared to face some form of truth, still, if he is willing, he is ready. Readiness has nothing to do with preparedness. One is never prepared, there is no preparation for life. If you are here, you are prepared.

How do you know when you are ready? You are ready when you are willing to be ready.

I like this, because I don't think I've ever been prepared for anything that was important. I still feel ill-prepared, so I guess I would have made a lousy Boy Scout. But how can I be completely prepared for something I've never done before or don't know how to do? On some level, it's always a surprise. I haven't walked into any job I've had with all the skills or knowledge I needed to it, and for the most part, the training has been, "Hey, we're glad you're here. There's your desk, the coffee's over there, let me know if you have any questions, and good luck to you!" I actually kind of like learning by doing, jumping in and figuring it out as I go along.

Jumping into the deep end of my inner life and making major life changes - that's much harder than a new job. There's no preparing for that, only the willingness to jump. It feels frustrating at the moment that jumping into new forms of truth doesn't seem to get much easier, even though I've had quite a bit of practice at this point. I wish it did, because then my life would be less difficult right now. I'm still learning by doing, and I am humbled by the fact that what looks like a huge leap to me might look like a teeny tiny baby step to you - and vice versa.

I do know a bit about the process at this point, though: First, there's my resistance to get through, and then it hurts like hell. Then it starts to get better, but in fits and starts and never as quickly as I would like. Then I gradually realize that I've come through on the other side - and then I realize that there are myriad other sides, that each look nearly as intimidating as the first one.

I'm feeling terribly raw these days, and incapable of bringing much of anything to a conclusion, so I will leave to to Rumi to do it for me:

The way of love is not a subtle argument
The door there is devastation

Birds make great sky-circles of
their freedom.
How do they learn it?
They fall and falling they are
given wings.

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[Albert]

Dancin