Throwing hand grenades at Jesus: Exorcising demons

Apparently, I’m still in an all Jesus, all the time phase. When I found myself scribbling down my thoughts on paper towels in the locker room of the Y because I didn’t have any paper, I thought, “Hmmm….this is starting to get a little bit obsessive. Seriously, what’s with this Jesus kick?”

Then I figured it out while swimming laps: This isn’t theology. It’s exorcism.

Which brings me to today’s Jesus story in Luke 8:26-39:

Jesus met a man full of demons who wore no clothes and lived in a tomb. Jesus asked him his name, and he said “Legion”, for the demons were many. The demons begged Jesus not to send them into the abyss, so Jesus called the demons out of the man and sent them into a large herd of pigs, which then rushed down the hill into the lake and drowned. This was of course very good for the man possessed, but I’ve always thought it was unfortunate for whoever owned the pigs.

The man possessed put on some clothes and started talking in his right mind. The news spread far and wide and the local residents asked Jesus to leave, because the man’s healing scared them more than the demons ever did.

Maybe I’m just trying to get rid of all the Jesus demons that would leave me crazy and surrounded by corpses or condemn me to death by drowning me forever in my sins. Like the demons in the story, they are legion:

• the sad-eyed, disappointed Jesus who I make feel bad with all my sins

• the eternally suffering Jesus who refuses to get off the damn cross because then I might forget that I’m the one who put him there and accidentally feel good about myself

• the beatific, smiling Jesus who wants us all to play nice and smile, no matter what the truth

• the Savior whose salvation didn’t seem to work on me

• the dutiful Son running interference to save us from the holy wrath of the Big Daddy in the Sky

• Jesus with his endless demands that I can never live up to. I can never do enough or give enough or be enough, just live with constant guilt in the hope of future glory

There are probably a few others, and I need to send all those little fuckers straight over a cliff. I might lose some pigs in the process, but no one said life or faith was easy, and exorcisms cannot be outsourced. You gotta be in the room with your demons, close enough to look them in their beady little eyes and see who blinks.

I think I need to kill Jesus all over again and see if anything resurrects, but the truth is that once I get rid of all the Jesus demons, I don’t know if there is anything left. I do not have a single positive association with a resurrected, personal Jesus.

I think I like the guy better when he’s dead.

Comments

[Susan]

I don't blame you: the poseurs on your list sound thoroughly perverse. I say, crucify 'em.

[HSY]

Bye Bye bad guy.

[dave paisley]

Christy, you crack me up. Yeah, none of those guys are worth keeping, so let 'em go.

[dave paisley]

Oh, I should add: You deserve better.

[Christy]

Here's the question that I have: Given the obstreporous nature of the blogosphere, how is that I can talk about exorcising Jesus demons and killing Jesus and not only do I NOT get hate e-mail - ya'll still like me.

Clearly, my readers are above average.

[Rachelle Mee-Chapman]

The metahpor of an exorcism is really helpful here. I've been going through a similar process the past several years and haven't been able to name it well. Thank you!

The only version of Jesus I've been able to hold on to is sort of a anti-establishment radical who's charisma charms that pants off his starry-eyed follower -- sort of a peaceful Malcom X. Now if only I could figure out what it means to follow his manifesto in real life...hmmm...

-Rachelle

[HSY]

Now, in retrospect, don't you think Buddy Jesus is a viable option? C'mon. (He's a bit of a pansy, but his face has character!)

[jenell]

Isn't 'killing the buddha' a spiritual practice? Killing the Jesus is a great parallel.

[mfh]

Ditto with what Jenell said -- "killing Jesus" sounds like a process of purgation, of kicking aside all the false Jesuses, even if you don't know whether there's a real Jesus behind them all or what that real Jesus would be like.

The first part of Rainer Maria Rilke's "Stundenbuch" (Book of Hours) addresses this:

http://rainer-maria-rilke.de/#BuchvommoenchischenLeben

Wir dürfen dich nicht eigenmächtig malen,
du Dämmernde, aus der der Morgen stieg.
Wir holen aus den alten Farbenschalen
die gleichen Striche und die gleichen Strahlen,
mit denen dich der Heilige verschwieg.

Wir bauen Bilder von dir auf wie Wände;
so dass schon tausend Mauern um dich stehn.
Denn dich verhüllen unsre frommen Hände,
sooft dich unsre Herzen offen sehn.

English:

We may not paint you of our own power,
You Dawning, from which the morning rose.
We take from the old pigment dishes
the same strokes and the same beams,
with which the saint silenced you.

We set pictures of you on the walls,
so that already a thousand walls stand about you.
For our pious hands conceal you,
while our hearts open to you..

This is awesome stuff -- you should check it out sometime!

[Christy]

Rachelle -

Hey, you made it to Denmark! I think you and I might have ended up with similar Jesuses - once I'm supposed to pray to the guy, it's all over.

HSY -
Buddy Jesus does have his good points, I must say. Maybe I should give him another chance.

Jenell -
Someone should preach that sermon in a church sometime "When you meet Jesus on the road, kill him." I'd like to be there to see what happens.

MFH -

I've never read any Rilke, but definitely feel that I should. Maybe I will move him up the list.