A Crack down the Middle

I feel like I should write something about Christmas, seeing as how I’m of a Christian-ish disposition, but I’m not sure what to say since virtually every trope of the Christmas season doesn’t apply to me. For me, it’s not a time for family, as I will be having my Christmas dinner at a seafood restaurant with a few friends. Most likely there will be a few drinks involved, because nothing says “Happy Birthday Jesus!” like a nice buzz in the middle of the day. I don’t feel the need to rail against the consumerism of the season, since I give and receive very few presents. Hell, it’s southern California. We don’t even have snow.

I’m not any busier than usual, so I can’t write about needing to slow down and enjoy the “reason for the season.” Since Jesus isn’t all that central to my faith these days, I don’t know if I will understand the reason for the season, no matter how much time I have to contemplate it. I don’t know what it means for Jesus to be our Savior or Messiah or Son of God. I dig the guy, and there’s something very powerful about the idea of God divesting Herself of power and walking among us and getting dirt underneath her fingernails, but that’s as far as I’m willing to go.

I haven’t written anything very Bible-y (Bible-ish? Bible-esque? Bible-icious?) in a while, and I thought I should read the Christmas story at least once this year, so I did. 2nd chapter of Luke, in case you did not grow up with Christmas pageants with bathrobes and “O Holy Night.” My friend Heather, who makes all of her own greeting cards and does this sort of thing, sent me a package with a very cool wall hanging from her trip to India and a little Advent care package with one envelope for each day of Advent. I can’t make most of the words make sense, but the pictures hit a spot inside me – especially one that was a crowd of faceless people, all bunched together and going about their business, with a gold crack down the middle and the holy family peeking through. No one noticed.

Maybe that’s what Incarnation is – a thin crack down the middle of everything that most of us don’t notice, at least right away. When Jesus was born, nothing much happened. There were some angels and some shepherds, and other than that, it was business as usual. The same people were in charge, and Jesus’ parents fled in the middle of the night like refugees, and then they came back and raised their kids. Joseph did carpenter things, and outside of Jesus going toe to toe with the priests when he was twelve, nothing particularly earth-shattering occurred.

If I were to put myself in the story, I would be one of the shepherds. They saw these angels busting out across the sky proclaiming the Messiah, and then they saw this baby, and told everyone all about it. Then nothing much happened for another thirty years – at which point, they were probably dead. I imagine they kept on with tending their sheep, because what else were they going to do? They sat on those hills outside the city and looked down on all the same old shit and the sheep were still boring and they wondered if maybe it had all just been a hallucination. Did something happen or didn’t it? And if the Messiah had already come, then why was it all still such a mess?

Still, you don’t forget a pack of angels. Maybe they kept expecting the sky to open up again or kept an eye out for angels. Who knows what they saw as a result? Maybe that’s what it was supposed to be – not a done deal with Handel’s Messiah swelling in the background, but just a crack here and there and then someplace else.

When Joseph and Mary took Jesus to the temple, they met Anna, an eighty-four year old prophet who looked at a baby and saw the redemption of Jerusalem. They met Simeon, a very old and very devout man who saw the Christchild at the temple and praised God, saying “for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the presence of all peoples, a light for revelation for the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.” If I might speak for the Gentiles, we would appear to still be in rather dire need of revelation. As for Israel, there would appear to be some issues in that part of the world. We haven’t run out of war, refugees or despots, and this whole world could use a spot of salvation all around.

Back in the first chapter of Luke, Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist, prophesied at the birth of his son and said, “By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.” I don’t know if this dawn has broken or will break, but the way of peace takes a long time to find and a long time to walk. If it was easier, than surely we wouldn’t be killing each other at this rate.

Still, there are flashes and bits of a better world, and moments that seem downright miraculous. Maybe that’s what the presence of God among us is – a crack down the middle that doesn’t fix everything right away, but it starts something. I’ve seen that in my life over the past few years – cracks down the middle that didn’t seem to do all that much straight off, but eventually gave me space to slip through to another way of being with myself and God and the world. Eventually, you start to see things most people miss.

I don’t know if I can say any of the creeds, but I know there are these spots where everything cracks open and I can see, if only for a moment, something beyond all of this – or maybe within all of this. And I know that I still have days like this one, days I may never be completely done with, when I feel utterly cracked down the middle, and I don’t know if I will ever feel healed. Maybe that’s what lets God in, but if that’s the case, I might rather be uncracked with slightly less of the Divine. I hate days like this, at the same time that I remember that all my days used to be like this.

So that’s why I would be hanging with the shepherds, with their sheep and their questions and the cold night air, remembering when the darkness cracked down the middle and trying to figure out what the hell it was all about. I imagine that sometimes they believed, and sometimes they didn’t, and sometimes both at the same time, but the crack down the middle stayed cracked and the presence of God – frustrating and surprising and occasionally undetectable – was still there.

Comments

[HSY]

What a wonderful gift to get to read your writing on Christmas morning. May today have some unexpected cracks to give you glimpses of the divine today. Love you.

[HSY]

"I can’t make most of the words make sense..."

c'mon-- I KNOW the Buddy Jesus/ ragamuffin quote had to make sense.

[Jane R]

I buy Merton's take on Christmas.

And Sebastian Flyte's. (See the Comments section for link to that one.)

[Jane R]

P.S. I only read your first two paragraphs because I didn't realize what the (new?) format of the blog was. Sorry! Thanks for the extended reflection. Wonderful as usual. I've stayed away for too long (and for no good reason except busy-ness and overwork). A joyous Christmas to you.

[Christy]

HSY -

Okay, I take that back - I fully understood the "Jesus did not come to kick your ass" quote AND the buddy Jesus.

Jane R -
I dig the Merton poem too. And glad you dropped by again. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

[Jemila]

I love your honest-to-goodness thoughts -- fabulous stuff, and prob how I wouldn've celebrated Christmas if I didn't have kids.

[Christy]

Jemila -

Glad you liked it:-)

[To the Cross]

I love some of your comments in this post,particularly your closing few words 'but the crack down the middle stayed cracked and the presence of God – frustrating and surprising and occasionally undetectable – was still there.'

Long may that healing presence of Christ be with you!

Have a fantastic new year!

Neil

[Christy]

Neil -
Thanks - hope your new year is full of good things as well.

[Philip]

I went home for Christmas this year, had one of the best ones I've ever had. My mom got to be Grandma at her house for the first time. Unfortunately, it will also be her last. She had a massive coronary on the 26th and died. Lost two grandparents and my mom last year. Ready for a better year this year.