Born Again

In the first part of the book of John, Jesus turns the water into wine to keep the party going and then drives out the moneychangers from the temple with a whip. The Pharisees were used to a more orderly sort of religious experience, so they weren’t big fans of Jesus, except for one. The one named Nicodemus thought Jesus might be on to something, or at least worthy of further investigation, so he went in the middle of the night to have a chat with this strange new rabbi at the beginning of chapter 3.

He started out with a statement: “We know that you are a teacher who has come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do apart from the presence of God.” Jesus replied by saying that “no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above, “ to which Nicodemus replied, “Huh?” I grew up with versions where that verse was translated as “born again.”

I was never a big fan of that phrase – it sounded so cheesy. The phrase “born again Christian” always sounded like something that should be said with a southern accent and a fake smile, too easy and final to be believed. Then women I knew started having children. For some there were months or years of trying and disappointment first. Then there was the pregnancy, with hormone swings and morning sickness and feeling like a hippopotamus in the heat of summer. Finally, there was childbirth, and yes, I’m really happy for you, but no, I don’t want to see the video. I’ve heard about the C-sections and episiotomies and 19 hours of labor and a number of other painful details.

Instead of being instantaneous, I think that being born again is bloody and messy, and sometimes there’s a little screaming. Sometimes I lose sight of what’s coming and can’t see past how I feel right now. Sometimes I feel barren, like nothing is ever going to happen at all. Sometimes I can imagine new life in the future, although I am often afraid of what it will take to get there.

And then I think that “there” might not look like what I thought it would. Maybe born again means to go from the cozy, limited world of the womb where everything makes sense to a place where I don’t know much of anything at all. Maybe after the Spirit has given birth to me, she sits and she holds me and tells me I’m just beginning. I probably understand less than I thought I did before, in this world that is unbounded and wide, full of strange people and things I don’t understand, where I don’t have any words, just tears.

But I am squalling and alive, even if it is just barely. Eventually I’ll have a language other than screaming, and I’ll start to figure a few things out.

At least I hope so.

Comments

[anj]

Yeah - I've been thinking of this too. And how it seems to be continous, and ongoing. I like your thought of being born again, and then everything being open. Scary, and freeing.

[erica]

good use of the original metaphor- though I know it is more than a metaphor at the same time. after my son was born I kept thinking that I felt so sorry for his feelings at the moment- to be kicked out into a cold world! I would pull him close and sympathize. Being born again has to, among lots of other things, mean being really vulnerable all of a sudden- and knowing that is life.

[Kristin]

gorgeous.

[Bob C]

On LOST last night, one of the characters went into labor, but tried to hold it out...she said she once did not want the baby. Another character, who midwifed the birth, told he that the baby was all of theirs, as if a band of shipwrecked people could fathom hope.

She birthed you, brought you onto an island of lost people, she claims you as hers...and ours.

[Christy]

Bob - I've heard good things about Lost, and I like the idea that we are all born to all of us. I'll have to harass one of my friends with a TV to let me watch the show sometime.

[Michelle]

Just when I was thinking that going from that safe place has left me out in the cold, you've given me hope that maybe - just maybe - it's only the start. Thank you!

[Bad Catholic]

Thank you for this. I needed to read it tonight. What Michelle said!

[Wp]

Wow, that was a really fantastic exploration of what that metaphor really means. Thanks for sharing that!

[bobbie]

i love this christy - wish it was easier - but it makes far more sense than that easy 1-2-3 step prayer. great writing!