Staying

I mentioned my obsession with John 8 previously. That’s the chapter with the story about the Pharisees who drag the woman caught in adultery before Jesus, and he utters his famous “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” line. I’ve been mulling it over, and I think I’ve figured out what the real difference is between the woman they caught and the Pharisees. It’s not attitude or self-righteousness or biblical knowledge or type of sin. The big difference is this: The Pharisees walked away. (Jesus didn’t ask anyone to leave. He just didn’t want them to throw stuff.)

The woman stayed. I don’t know why. It would have made sense to make a quick getaway the second she knew she wouldn’t be dodging rocks. Who knows why she didn’t leave? Maybe she was too stunned by shame and miracle to move. Maybe she somehow knew she needed to stay close to Jesus. Maybe she had a hell of a hangover, and she was trying to keep the sun out of her eyes and not move her head. I don’t know, but she didn’t move.

She didn’t make any promises. She didn’t pray the sinner’s prayer. She didn’t get baptized. She didn’t throw herself at Jesus’ feet. She did not discuss theology. The only thing she did was stay.
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The only question Jesus asked her was “Where did everybody go?” and “Do you see any rocks flying through the sky?” When Jesus told her, “Neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin”, I don’t think he meant, “I saved your sorry sinful butt. Now you can repay me by keeping your act and your legs together.” I think it was more of a “Listen, honey, it’s okay. You’re more than this and better than this, and you don’t have to do penance or expiate your sins or wear a scarlet letter. You don’t have to be paralyzed by your shame or pain. You’re free to stop doing this, to be who you were created to be and who you would have been if it wasn’t such a screwed-up world we’re living in.”

I have no idea what she did afterwards. Maybe she got herself together and started adopting orphaned children. Maybe she was out turning tricks later in the evening, but Jesus’ lack of condemnation wasn’t contingent on her future choices. Just on her still being around to receive his grace.

Simone Weil once said that Christianity is a religion of waiting for God. We wait, and God shows up. When God does, our only job is to stay. We might not be in good condition. Maybe we’ll find ourselves half-naked, drunk, pissed-off and screaming at the sky when God puts in an appearance. Maybe we’ll think that if God or Jesus or angels or somebody had bothered to show up a little freaking sooner, we’d be in better shape. Maybe we’ll think we’re not sure we want God to show up. Maybe we’re not sure there even is a God, but I think that our salvation – that my salvation – lies in not running away from grace.

Receiving grace pre-supposes that I understand that I might have some issues, but that whole “admitting I’m a sinner” thing has some limitations. After all, the Pharisees did that. If they hadn’t, that woman would have been buried under a pile of rocks. Their big transgression was not treating the woman as a less-than-human prop for their object lesson. Their big mistake was leaving the room. They were willing to admit their failings, but not to accept the remedy.

Later on in the chapter, they get too busy trying to trip Jesus up on technicalities to bother to ask what they should do about all the stuff inside that he brought to their attention. So Jesus tells them, “You will die in your sins.” He doesn’t tell that they’re headed straight for hell. He tells them that all the mistakes that weigh them down, all the secrets they have to hide, all the memories and guilt that keep them up nights, all the shame of those moments they’d take back if they could – All of that, they’re going to drag slow and tired and shameful til it gets buried with them in their graves.

That’s always been the part that’s scared me most - dying in my mess after living my whole life without ever being healed or free or hopeful. When life hurts real real bad, hell seems much too far away to worry about. Jesus showed up offering light and freedom. All they had to do was hang out with grace and let that change and heal them.

But they wanted their self-righteousness and their position and their tradition enough to ignore the redemption that was standing right in front of them. I don’t completely blame them – salvation is a hard gig sometimes. It means admitting that we believe in religion more than we believe in God. It means taking off the fancy robes that we’ve been using to prove to ourselves and the world that we’re doing just fine, thank you very much. It means admitting that our refusal to recognize the image of God in someone else most likely means that we don’t recognize it very well in ourselves either. It means maybe having a chat or two about whatever it is that made that rock fall out of our hands. It means finally saying out loud, “Uh Jesus? Here’s the thing: Yeah, I don’t actually trust you all that much on a good day, and on the bad ones, I get a little shaky about whether or not you’re there at all.”

Damn sure scares the crap out of me – the idea of just being there with everything all out in the open, with nothing to do but stay wherever it is I happen to be. Lord knows what could happen – I seem to spend a lot of time checking over my shoulder to see if anybody’s got a rock aimed at my head.

We do some funny things whenever something threatens all the stuff we’d just as soon not talk about, no matter how heavy it is to carry. I find it interesting that the Pharisees tried to stone two people in that chapter. One was the woman. One was Jesus.

Comments

[Michelle]

I really, really needed to read this today. Thank you.

[Kathy]

Thank you, friend. Profound words. I have never before thought of the difference in this way. I'll have to muse on that for a bit.

[will]

I hear you. I too spend a lot of time looking over my shoulder looking for the rocks. Thanks for this post.

[Phyllis]

Well said, well said. Thanks for telling it like it is.

[bobbie]

oh christy - this is incredible! exactly what i needed to hear - staying. i love this line:

All they had to do was hang out with grace and let that change and heal them.

here's me hanging out with grace today!

love you!

[Mary]

Wow. That's pretty much all I can say. This took my breath. Thank you.

This

When life hurts real real bad, hell seems much too far away to worry about.

this

But they wanted their self-righteousness and their position and their tradition enough to ignore the redemption that was standing right in front of them. I don’t completely blame them – salvation is a hard gig sometimes.

and this

Damn sure scares the crap out of me – the idea of just being there with everything all out in the open, with nothing to do but stay wherever it is I happen to be.

is enough to keep me thinking for the rest of the year.

But this...

I find it interesting that the Pharisees tried to stone two people in that chapter. One was the woman. One was Jesus.

just makes me smile

I'll be back.

Blessings : Mary

[Deb]

Beautiful and as Kathy said, "profound". So glad I stopped by to read this. Thank you!

[Christy]

Glad everybody liked it - there's a reason I like this chapter. It's one of the parts of the Bible that's for all the screwed-up people, and I feel screwed-up a lot.

[Karen H.]

Incredible post Christy. I really liked your explanation of what Jesus meant by "Go now and leave your life of sin." As I think you do, I see these admonitions more as bits of light that Jesus tosses into our lives to show us that there is a new reality, a new way. They're not directives that only provide us with another standard we can't ever hope to achieve.

I'm still pondering this chapter myself. Thanks for this. Really great stuff.

[rudy]

on the "stay" thought

i heard this story: a friend was dying of brain cancer, went in to the hospital, it was very serious, he began to slip in and out of consciousness, and then his wife said, "go to where jesus is, and when you get there don't move from it." that was so heavy when i heard it. now your post helps me understand that thought better

[Laura]

Another screw-up says, "Amen!"

[Christy]

Karen -
Welcome back from vacation.

Rudy -
Was that your friend Eric? That is heavy. My offer of another load of groceries still stands.

Laura -
Hey, you're new. Welcome!